You would think after 6 weeks of the UKLC and constantly prattling on about ‘academy killers’, the author would have a little ‘faith, faith and faith‘ and gotten a perfect 8/8 but nope! It certainly couldn’t hurt to have more.
Megalodontus takes a lighthearted look back on the UKLC matches from last week.
Yeah I know Joe Biden’s supporters using boomer music to celebrate his revival was kinda cringey, but this is ENUK and the author is a sleep-deprived shark with a nightcap (don’t ask), so what I say goes!
Plus the coronavirus is cutting events faster than EU beating NA at international events. So one of the largest extinct fish in the world is wearing his over-sized night gown and typing tepidly with his under-sized laptop (with fins mind you), so let’s just crack on…
Non academy teams of the UKLC, unite!
You have nothing to lose and you can even gain memes! Wait, did I just quote a Marxist phrase? Oh well, Dom probably secretly likes it (don’t be so sure! – Dom).
It’s official: From now on, week 6 in every split is the ‘powerspike week’! Because it took MnM and NVision long enough, eh? For them it was 6 weeks; for us it was akin to 84 bloody years (thanks Rose)!
But now Fnatic Rising are sweating buckets because they know the academy slayers in NVision (they finally claim that title after 1 win in 4) are right behind them!
Thank you NVision. You finally listened to me and stopped raiding the local charity bin after all! But most of all you said to hell with the UKLC script and basically burned it!
Yes, BT Excel are still number one, but MnM almost beat them! We take those for our glorious revol- I mean, overreactions article. There is hope for the UKLC after all! It’s not doomed! It’s coming home!
As we’ve learned, all you need is a bit of faith. Who knew?
Yusa > xMatty (or Aphelios himself)
So Demise, Enclave and Phelan, please listen…
Firstly you guys suc- uh, nevermind, it’s the Pliocene liquor talking.
Anyways, you’re out of playoffs contention. Yeah it sucks, we know. No Italian manager for Enclave, no unfrozen Pea-lans, and Demise, yeah. However, you guys have one more week to redeem your split. The secret? A ham and cheese sandwich.
“Yeah that’s it Mega has lost the plot now”
Hold that thought! Why a ham and cheese sandwich you ask? Simple: Go ham and pick cheese! Think about it right, none of those smug motherforkers – thank you Eleanor Shellstrop – on the top of the table have had to deal with ham and cheese, right? Who knew the humble croque monsieur would teach UKLC teams to win eh? Sacre bleu!
None of them have dealt with the likes of Rengar top, Shaco jungle or even Aurelion Sol midlane right? Bring out your dirtiest, stinkiest cheese, and I’m talking casu marzu level, where it’s banned in the only place that wants to eat it!
It’s free real estate and not my bias of what I want to see speaking, you can trust me on this *wink*.
(I do not trust anyone who embeds a video like this on the site – never again! – Dom)
Why do Barrage have this weird 1-1 fetish
Last week, they went 1-1. The week before they also went 1-1. The week before that, they didn’t, but two weeks is enough to determine things! Like buying a new car, a new home or even getting married! You don’t need two weeks to decide those, so why do Barrage get a free pass? (Mega I do worry about you sometimes – Dom)
You know what’s cooler than the number 1, Barrage? Well, 2, obviously! I mean, nothing cool is ever associated with 1, like first place, is it? Pfft, come on!
But hey, I hear their new chant is pretty cool. Captain Jeff Sparrow told me it went something like this:
“Oooooh the Battalion is here, you’re outta luck!
Run, run, run boys or prepare to get fu-“
Ok thanks Jeff, it needs more work. Just like how Flaresz needs more work with his Ornn!
And since my free advice is so effective…
So MnM, tell me what you want, what you really, really want. No need to sing ‘Wannabe‘, I know what you really, really want and it’s not to be Fnatic’s lover (or maybe it is? Hmm…).
You wanna knock NVision and Fnatic off their perch, right? Well since my advice went so well for Noltey last week, I’ll offer another free one:
Just pick Sof Rek’Sai every game! What’s that? There are counters to Rek’Sai? Foolish mortals, Sof is the counter! He’s the one who knocks!
And finally, since KDA means everything
Bravado is the greatest LoL player to ever grace to UKLC – and soon the world. He’s also probably jacked, wears the freshest clothes, eats at the chillest restaurants and hangs out with the hottest dudes. Guys dig KDA.
His team might not be number one in the standings – thank fork for th – errr I mean, how sad. But he will always be number one in our impartial – yep Dom, that’s totally me – hearts.
(sigh, is this article over yet? – Dom)
Will Fat Albert eventually win his race? Do the bottom three teams even like cheese? Who will treat the author to a free meal next for his impeccable advice? Keep an eye out for the final Overreactions of the regular split next week!
Disclaimer: If you’re thinking of betting against non-academy teams next week, remember to reconsider your foolish notion, get someone to hold you and wait for something more. Cause you gotta have faith!
Megalodontus is a miraculous survivor from the mass extinction and somehow learnt how to use his stubby fins to operate complicated mechanical equipment and drink tea. Worryingly for cryptozoologists, he’s been writing League of Legends articles too.
A self-taught writer who’s had the privilege to work with good editors who aren’t terrified of his pearly whites, Megalodontus is often seen writing either independently or for various websites such as this one. When not writing, he usually runs it down mid in real life and is fascinated with watching paint dry.