Welcome, welcome! Back for another addition of overreactions so soon? *morbid laughter* You poor soul, you. Even our casters are almost done with it all.
As usual, Megalodontus looks back on last week’s UK League of Legends UKLC matches in a lighthearted, weird his own unique manner.
Sincere apologies for the late release of this week’s overreactions but after last week’s games I woke up in a pile of empty navy strength gin bottles. Lesson learnt: being a drunk, extinct marine megafauna didn’t sit well with the neighbors. Oh well.
Moving on to Overreactions!
Day by day, the UKLC sucks the sanity out of its stalwarts
Caster Hiprain once said: “UKLC is for the strong.”
He wasn’t wrong. I’m already borderline insane, but this isn’t about me.
The bulwarks of the UK and Irish shores have always been our talented, flamboyant and ebullient (Mega is back once again making me google words while editing – Dom) team of casters. They prop us up during the worst days and the worst of plays, shouldering all the bottled up cusses and crude expressions they cannot articulate when they see inting plays, but yet they smile. For us.
Last week however, is a clear indication that perhaps they are reaching their wits end (and no I’m not talking about the item).
And this one as well.
They’re losing it I tell you.
This is too soon for UK’s new king to fall. But perhaps it’s the cruel reality that we need to see the physical representation of a clown fiesta in the DreamHack studio. I can only pray that the UKLC does not take our finest from us, for such is the fate of those who tread this winding path.
Why isn’t the UKLC importing more talent?
Speaking of Efias making that Bard play above…
I mean, I think about it this. Efias achieved two things no other native player to the UK could: 1) He broke our casters and entertained the audience and 2) he actually won despite that uh, amazing play! Who else could’ve done that?
So team owners, give the finger to Brexit, take out your language books and cheque books – and get signing!
(Author’s note: I’m 110% sure no one from Italy actually reads these articles anyways so it’s safe to say you can trust me)
(Do not trust him, readers, Google Analytics doesn’t lie! – Dom)
Enclave Gaming should sign Claudio Ranieri
Speaking of talent like Efias who have experience in Italian leagues, where they say “Oh mio dio pizza con ananas e bellissimo!” when someone makes a good play. (As someone of Italian heritage myself, I cannot confirm nor deny this – Dom)
Enclave Gaming are the only team in the UKLC thus far who have done more rotations and switching of places than the Earth’s natural spinning cycle. Ask any analyst and they say the same thing, totally not an exaggeration!
“But wait, Demise als-“
Yeah but Demise at least have 2 wins and King Kerb.
Now, the only switch I can think of that could maybe give Enclave Gaming 1 win – just 1 win because they face XL and Barrage in the last week so it’s doomed – is to hire former Leicester City manager Claudio Ranieri (pictured).
Can he help them win the UKLC? Nope! But he was known as ‘The Tinkerman’ with his constant substitutions so he’d fit right in!
So come on Britsaint, DILLY DING DILLY DONG, splurge your cash and go sign him!
It’s confirmed: Academy Teams have plot armour
Tonight was cold and clammy, like the hands of a sweating criminal, eager to carry out his misdeeds with glee. He said he had info for me, I wasn’t so sure. When you’re in this line of work long enough even your informants could be your next target.
A lone shadow emerges from the now shrinking void before me, his footsteps brisk and urgent. He wordlessly tips his hat as he approaches me, a greeting. He tips it once more, a signal. I tip my hat back. With even greater urgency he walks past me not before handing over a fat stack of papers. That was the last I saw of his retreating form into the cold, unforgiving night.
I looked at what I was handed.
It read “UKLC Spring 2020 Script” and “CONFIDENTIAL” was written at the bottom.
Looks like tonight will be another long night.
If you didn’t get the noir detective feel from that, it’s okay because I usually need to be very drunk to pull it off. However, I did see the UKLC script! As a journalist of upmost ethics and moral standing, I shall not name my confidant, however I have no problems letting you know what was written on page 1…
It read: “The Academy Teams of the UKLC must not lose in the long run.”
Underneath this, there was a sub-heading saying “whoever the frontrunner is, remember, they must remain the frontrunner”.
This explains so much! No wonder MnM and Demise couldn’t beat BT Excel and somehow lost, it was all scripted! Wake up sheeple! This is just like any anime protagonist who can break a million bones in their body and be thrown twice across the world but still get back up because they are protected by plot armour!
I mean, after all, it couldn’t be possible MnM and Demise were just somehow worse – and their standings reflect that, right? Preposterous! Look at this:
What if the coronavirus was introduced because the split is ending and the script must be followed?
I stake my reputation on this and will be immediately be applying for witness protection so DreamHack and Riot can’t get me. Be warned corporate giants, your schemes are revealed and I will continue to leak th- oh wait is that sirens I hear? Got to run, toodaloo!
(The author is safe… for now) (No he’s not and I won’t be defending him when the authorities come for him – Dom)
Somehow Barrage and NVision are together in Pirates of the Caribbean
Not sure how I can forcibly shoehorn in more poppycock media references into the UKLC? Well, as usual, some memes might help.
That just above illustrates how Captain Jeff Sparrow is steering his sinking ship, I mean come one, 1-1? How are they going to go the finals of EU Masters if they keep going bloody 1-1? I sure never heard of any team that’s done that before! (and Excel are doing it in the LEC right now too – Dom)
NVision, well… pretty self-explanatory innit?
What else does the script say? Will we have sane casters by the time UKLC is finished? Who can tell if the author is sober or drunk anymore when he writes these? Join us once more next week for another instalment of UKLC Overreactions!
Disclaimer: I’m on the run from authorities due to script leaking, so if someone can help take care of my giant isopod and give it daily cuddles, much appreciated
(Disclaimer for the disclaimer: Esports News UK takes no responsibility for the assortment of beautiful nonsense in this article – Dom)
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Megalodontus is a miraculous survivor from the mass extinction and somehow learnt how to use his stubby fins to operate complicated mechanical equipment and drink tea. Worryingly for cryptozoologists, he’s been writing League of Legends articles too.
A self-taught writer who’s had the privilege to work with good editors who aren’t terrified of his pearly whites, Megalodontus is often seen writing either independently or for various websites such as this one. When not writing, he usually runs it down mid in real life and is fascinated with watching paint dry.
