Welcome back to another instalment of Overreactions, the UK League of Legends esports column where the author – Megalodontus – knows not what he speaks about. Just like most modern media then.
Before we begin (and I know Dom is getting sick of these long-winded intros so I’m going to keep typing them out), I’m probably the worst predictor in the UK, even Europ- oh wait, we’ve left the EU.
Anyway, yes I’m the king of bad predictions so if you’ve actually been listening to me, maybe you haven’t been reading these articles well enough!
Speaking of kings…
(Full credit to Officer Naughty for this interesting knockout tournament, where the UK LoL esports community voted for their favourite in 1v1 polls)
All hail Dan ‘Aux’ of House Harrison, the First of His Name, King of the UK and Ireland, Overseer of the Eight UKLC teams, the Father of ‘Dicey’, Commander of the Northern Broadcasts, Builder of Godlike Narratives, Punisher of Int-ing plays, Chaser of Unconventional Strategies, the Master of Never-ending Savagery, Champion of Her Majesty, Tamer of Academy Fans, Dismisser of Enclave Gaming, the Summoner of Random Stories, Burner of Hiprain, Messiah of the North East, Archwizard of Predicting Drafts, Emperor of the Broken Tower Format, Eternal Warden to Chronicler, the Geordie, the Herald of UK Supports, and many, many more titles… (okay, that’s enough now, I think this is the longest paragraph ENUK has ever published – Dom)
“But this isn’t an overreaction!!! REEEEEE~!!!”
Oh yeah? Try reading that again aloud slowly, word by word, three times.
The Empire Strikes… well, not much really
So according to the resident Boomer Overlord Dom, ‘A New Hope’ was just labeled ‘Star Wars’ in the ’70s, which is basically the Stone Age. Anyhow, with an ‘Ok boomer’ in swift reply, we’re back onto more relevant narratives.
Fnatic were supposed to be the empire that would strike back this week, after their loss to Excel last week. But this week, they actually lost to a non-academy team!!! Praise be to every God in every tongue in every religion, the UK has actually prevented Star Wars Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back from happening!
Oh but they play Enclave next week, you say. Well OnlyAngel stole a dragon on his debut jungle game, is there any evidence at all he won’t steal a win against Fnatic Sinking (appropriate since Barrage sunk them)? (groan, these puns are worse than mine – Dom)
They just need to ban Sejuani and Fiddlesticks and then Dan will have no jungler champ left! And people say coaching is difficult. Pfftt.
MnM roast themselves
For the flame? More like moths to a flame!
As the old saying goes, “when you can’t beat them, buy them,” so I’m guessing predictably MnM will be already taking out their chequebooks, signing an agreeable amount as fast as their fluffy arms can go, to try and buy Phelan’s roster. Again. Everyone knows when you’re doing badly you make drastic changes immediately!
Looks like imported candy is better than plain old British marshmallows after all! (yikes ???? – Dom)
Adept is the best midlaner in the UKLC… BUT!
Why? Well, the NVision player beat last week’s best midlaner handily, so by transitive properties he’s the best. Plus he’s foreign so he’s definitely better.
“But Mega, you know MagiFelix beat Adept in a previous mat-“
Shush when the Lamnid is narrating! (I genuinely had to google that – Dom)
Anyways, thank you Brelia’s dad for feeding NVision bacon butties, but it looks like you’ve got to upgrade the meat to Iberico Pork or something because they still lost to Fnatic!!!
Look at this meme! The fact they made it so early in the split means they know the split is finished! Never mind bacon butties, NVision management I am imploring you, begging you on my weird knee-fins to take the squad out for a 6-star dining experience and preferably order dragon steak or you’ll never defeat the Dark Lords of the UKLC!
(Yes teams, I’m revealing the super, ultra, well-kept, hidden secret of League of Legends where free food = Super Saiyan performance levels. It is known)
(I do worry about you Megalodontus, you know that right – Dom)
Dragdar is the best support in the UKLC
Quick, name me any AD Carry that roleswapped immediately and turned a team from 0 – 4 to 2 – 4! Only Dragdar has, so by that metric alone it means UK players are superior multirole players and he’s officially the best support in the UK! Think of pioneer players like Yellowstar, roleswapping to support and now he’s a legend.
Maybe Forg1ven can learn a thing or two about roleswapping eh?
The Dark Lord BT Excel goes ‘LA LA LA LA LA’
“Build me an army… worthy of Mor- winning EUM,” rasped Kieran Holmes-Darby, poorly imitating the Dark Lord Sauron’s voice as he communicated this sole desire to Saruma- I mean, Grant Rousseau.
Scratching his head in confusion as to why he is appearing in a Lord of the Rings crossover, Grant replied with an “O…kay. Sure, boss” and the rest is history.
The only team they’ve not played is Phelan Gaming and if I were Phelan, I would be quaking in my boots not knowing if my current broadband plan can match the robust BT WiFi: which is ‘beyond fast, beyond safe and strong’. And did you know they offer three standards packages from just £27.99 a month which still promises the fastest Wi-Fi in the whole of the UK? BT Excel are 6 -0 so it has to be true! (stop turning this into BT News UK – Dom)
If UKLC teams are not scrambling right now to sign deals with BT’s competitors, I fear they will have to hear Excel sing “LA-LA-LA-LA-LATER SUCKERS!!!” at the end of the split!
But then again they might not hear it because terrible internet means it’ll still be buffering.
Barrage are still hopefuls… for now
I was randomly watching a video where ships were being filmed as they were sunk by torpedoes, before being brought back to the present by hearing Hiprain and Aux announcing Barrage’s defeat to BT Excel. Figures.
I also hear the Royal Navy couldn’t bombard Twickenham in time because BT broadband was too fast, and the win would stand even if the stadium would not. Well Jeff, that’s what you get for spending all your money on imports and bloody Nandos!!!
Although saying that, you guys did sink Fnatic Rising so it proves that the future of esports is not in England, but in Wales. Cymru am byth!
Will the real academy killers please stand up? Why has DreamHack not given Aux his own throne yet? Can the author avoid being captured for shark fin soup? Find out next time, in another episode of UKLC Overreactions!
Disclaimer: If you’re thinking of lodging a complaint due to hurt feelings, follow instructions below
Megalodontus is a miraculous survivor from the mass extinction and somehow learnt how to use his stubby fins to operate complicated mechanical equipment and drink tea. Worryingly for cryptozoologists, he’s been writing League of Legends articles too.
A self-taught writer who’s had the privilege to work with good editors who aren’t terrified of his pearly whites, Megalodontus is often seen writing either independently or for various websites such as this one. When not writing, he usually runs it down mid in real life and is fascinated with watching paint dry.